questions

WOOF! What a week I’ve had, taking my human to all those book signings! Right now she is upstairs, answering questions for an American blog. No one is asking me any questions, which is odd, as I know that really it is me that most people are interested in. So, for those who want to know more about my life, I've done a Q&A of my own. I don’t think anyone will mind that I've made up the questions.

Q: Biff, you are so handsome with your wet nose, shiny coat and lovely white teeth. In fact, you are probably THE most handsome dog in the Poitou-Charentes!!!! Can you share with us some of your grooming secrets?
A Obviously, some of it is down to good genes but otherwise I would say: no sugar, lots of vegetables and the fact that I have to exercise my human pet several times a day. I also enjoy a daily swim, even in winter.

Q: Biff you're obviously quite a cultured little dog. We’ve seen the picture of you watching Aida at the oudoor opera in Sanxay. But what is your favourite TV programme? [KW: I’d like to point out that Biff wasn’t actually watching the opera; he was sneakily eating his way through a chocolate flan while the rest of us were watching the stage.]
A: I like watching The Very Hungry Frenchman. That Raymond Blanc seems like a nice fella. With regards to that chocolate pie, it’s true that I helped myself. But honestly, if you put temptation in a chap’s way...

Q And what about your favourite music?
A: My favourite singer is Nora Jones, because my pet used to play her in the car when I was a puppy, as she thought it would stop me being scared. But I’m not scared of anything – apart from Maisie, a friend’s Staffie bull terrier. Maisie is a bitch.

Unfortunately, my pet has very strange taste in music. She recently started listening to rap – that Tinny Tempura fella [KW: It’s Tinie Tempah]. She says that his rhyming couplets (whatever they are) are sublime (whatever that means). We once listened to his CD nine times, all the way back from the ferry port (I'm exaggerating, but not much). My pet even sang along for some of the way. Terrible. You’ve no idea what us four-legged folk have to put up with sometimes.

Q: And what are are your favourite foods?
A: Corned beef hash with peas; and I’m quite partial to a toast soldier dipped into boiled egg.

Q: Favourite book?
A: Watership Down. All those rabbits...

Q: Finally, Biff, we know you are quite a busy chap. But do you have any hobbies?
I like swimming, chasing deer, going out to restaurants, barbecues, travel and socialising.