'Where are you?' asks Luis. 'And when are you coming back?'
It's late Saturday afternoon and I am sitting in my local Pret A Manger making use of their free Wifi, since the dongle thing and portable broadband package, that I bought from the very helpful people in the Orange shop on Kensington High Street, are very slow and not reliable.
'I'm very busy with meetings chéri.'
'Are you sure you're not just going out with your friends to cafes and bars?' he says, sounding suspicious. 'You have been there a long time.'
'Oh no chéri,' I reply, omitting to mention that I spent lunchtime drinking hisbiscus margaritas with friends in the fabulous new Westfield shopping complex in Shepherd's Bush. Laura Ashley, M&S and Prada under one roof!
'It's merde here without you,' says Luis, sounding moody.
'Really darling?' I say, feeling very pleased.
'It's really annoying me. If you don't come back soon I might have to move to Paris or Toulouse.'
'No, don't do that,' I say, suddenly alarmed. 'I'll come back to see you next weekend. I'm booking a flight now.'
'Depeche-toi chérie,' he says gruffly. 'Depeche-toi!'