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February 9, 2009

It's late on Sunday evening and I am sitting at my desk writing a list of things to do in the coming week, listening to Joni Mitchell. The volume is turned up very loud to hide the sound of Luis throwing stones at the tightly closed shutters and ringing the door bell, my phone and my mobile, which he has been doing non-stop for half an hour. It's a wonder the neighbours haven't called the gendarmes.

I've been ignoring his calls since 7.30pm this evening, having decided, while standing outside his apartment in a snow flurry on Saturday afternoon waiting forever for him to open the door - which he didn't - that it was time to call it a day.

Suddenly, the doorbell stops ringing and I hear a plaintive voice, that sounds very close indeed. 'Mimi, ma chérie...' he is saying. 'Je t'aime. Je t'aime beacoup.'

It sounds like he is on the other side of the (very thin) partition wall that separates my bathroom from the apartment next door, now inhabited by his friends Sergio and Luigi.

I turn up the Joni Mitchell even louder but his voice sounds even closer - like he is in the same room. I turn around from my computer screen and find that he is. 'Ma chérie,' he says, holding out his arms and looking very pleased with himself.

I am shocked, alarmed and mystified at how he has managed to gain entry to my house.

'How did you get in?' I demand.

'Love let me in,' he replies, before changing his story to: 'it was Biff who let me in. He opened the door with his paws. Biff loves me.' (I'm not sure about this: Biff, like me, does not quite know what to make of him; and he's been hiding under the bed for the last thirty minutes, wide-eyed at the sound of the stones hitting the shutters and the rest of the racket.)

I am almost tempted to believe Luis that he managed to let himself in through the front door. But the open skylight in the bathroom and the large big black footprints on top of the loo however, suggest that he arrived by rather less conventional means. Yes, he dropped in in SAS style through the skylight. (I swear to god, I am not making this up.) It's no mean feat as he has had to climb onto a roof that is three stories high; and he has also had to open the skylight from the outside.

'You are mad,' I say. 'That was a really mad thing to do.'

'I know chérie,' he replies, before telling me to pack my things and come and live with him. 'You are mad too. That's why I love you.'

I'm beginning to wonder if there is some truth in this. I know that dropping in unannounced through someone's roof is not normal behaviour, but after the initial shock has worn off, I cannot help but find it funny. It's also a little ironic. When Travis told me some time ago that the love of my life would arrive when I least expected it, I replied: 'well, since I spend most of my time home alone working, he'll have to drop in through the roof.' As indeed Luis has done.

Who said that life in rural France was boring?

comments (10)

1. Posted by Mirabelle on February 9, 2009 11:25 AM

your life sounds very unconventional mimi but it certainly gave me a laugh on a dull monday morning

2. Posted by Si Seacat on February 9, 2009 11:31 AM

You keep talking about ending the relationship with Luis. But methinks the lady doth protest too much...

3. Posted by chonfleur on February 9, 2009 12:04 PM

Sounds to me like the story with Luis is set to run and run.

4. Posted by markyj on February 9, 2009 12:06 PM

How funny...your life out there is anything - I mean anything, but dull. How cool that he SAS'd his way into your home (but please tell him, he IS Portuguese - NOT a British agent); though I would now be torn between impressive secret-agent lover behaviour and realising that my house is so insecure any old builder can just shimmy down the loo-light...lol

5. Posted by mimi pompom on February 9, 2009 12:15 PM

Dear MarkyJ,

you've just summed up my thoughts on this exactly. Half of me is grudgingly very impressed that someone would want to see me so badly they'd risk life and limb climbing through my skylight; the other half is appalled at the fact my house is so easily broken into. I also hope that he isn't going to make a habit of it, as he had to perform quite a complicated shimmy to avoid landing in the glass shower cubicle and fortunately this time nothing was broken....


6. Posted by mimi pompom on February 9, 2009 12:28 PM

oh ... and I forgot to mention that there is at least a 15ft drop from the skylight into the bathroom, so he could seriously have damaged himself as well as the shower cubicle.

7. Posted by Eagle Wings on February 9, 2009 12:47 PM

Perhaps Luis is an expert at freeing his neck and widening his back, after all? Cannot think how anyone would have been so successful without this. He is certainly determined to go to any lengths. I wonder what he'll do next?

8. Posted by mimi pompom on February 9, 2009 4:17 PM

Dear Eagle Wings,

Unlike you and me, I don't think Luis is a devotee of the Alexander Technique, which I know you are referring to. I think he is just very agile ; 0


9. Posted by Jentana on February 10, 2009 11:25 AM

Dump him. The man is unreliable and is taking the piss. Don't you think you deserve better ? Believe me, it will all end in tears. Yours.

10. Posted by Susie on February 10, 2009 11:48 AM


I sounds as if the time is now right to give him either a key to the front door, or a rope ladder.

His reliability index may not be into double figures, but let's give him a 10 for ingenuity. :-)

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